When you were young, did you ever think that the world was a real and magical place? But when you got older, did the world that you knew became dark and lonely?
That’s how I feel.
I always thought I lived in a world where nothing bad could happen, but I was wrong. I now live inside my own version of hell. I was 17 years old, I have lived in an orphanage for 2 years.
But it feels like a lifetime.
I barely talked to anyone, not even my own brothers who were also in this prison with me. I always sneak out at night when everyone is sleeping, I only have 7 hours of free time before I go back. All I do was go on a little walk or break into stores or malls, but I always go on top of a tall building and stand near the edge. I always think to myself at that moment,
should I jump?
When I looked down, my heart skipped a beat. I stepped back from the edge, then a minute of silence.
Then I started to cry.
I always go back to that place and try to jump, but my fear of heights always makes me not go through with it.
But everything changed on one October week.
It all started when I was eating my breakfast with the other kids, My 15-year-old brother Kyle walked up to me. ”Hey Seth, It’s been a long time since we talked.” I didn’t reply to Kyle’s comment and just ignored him. ”Well, see you around.” Kyle ran back to our 7-year-old brother David, I smiled a little seeing David’s face. I remember how cute he was when he was a baby, it also remembers me about mom and dad. I started to shed a tear, my smile quickly fade into a saddened frown.
Later that night, I was in my bed waiting for everyone to fall asleep so I could sneak out. I waited for 10 minutes after everyone went to bed and left. That night, I was going to break into a mall, thank god, someone left the doors unlocked, dumb ass. I sneak around the mall, looking for something to steal. Then I saw a Halloween shop, as a guy who loves wearing masks and costumes, Halloween is the one time of the year where I can be someone else. I quickly lockpicked the door and went in, it looked like any Halloween shop, with Halloween decorations, costumes, and masks everywhere. I quickly ran to see what types of masks do they have. As I was gotten to where the masks are, I looked around to see what mask could I steal. I kept on looking, but nothing peaks my interest, then I spotted something.
It was a creepy doll mask, It kinda looks like me when I was a baby. I started to laugh a bit, then it reminds me of when mom and dad used to look at baby pictures of Kyle and me. That also reminds me when dad left us at the orphanage after mom died.
” DO IT.”
I quickly turned around, thinking someone was behind me. But to my surprise, the was nothing or no one behind me. I quickly grab the mask and ran out of the shop, fearing that I might get caught. After getting out of the mall, I began to walk back to the orphanage. As I got back to the orphanage, I slowly opened the front door and sneak in. ”Seth?” I quickly turned around to see Kyle at the end of the hallway, he started walking up to me. ”Seth, what are you doing ?” I quickly reply to Kyle’s comment. ”Please, don’t tell anyone Kyle.” ”I don’t know Seth, maybe I should.” ”Dammit Kyle, this is why…” I stop my comment, and I look down on the ground with a sad face, there was a moment of silence before Kyle replied. ”Fine, I won’t tell, but you owe me.” I shook my head yes than me and Kyle went back to our rooms. I quickly went to my bed, and I began to sleep.
It was morning, I quickly grab breakfast before I do some chores. As I finish my breakfast, I walk down to the basement to grab the mop and broom. I open the door to see a rat and a tarantula on the floor inches away from me, I quickly stepped back then a couple of kids bumped into me. These kids were troublemakers and bullies to other kids in the orphanage, they give me an annoying face until one of them spoke. ”Well, it’s Seth the pussy.” The reason why they called me Seth the pussy because I’m pretty much was scared of everything back when I first came to the orphanage, they looked behind me to see those two creatures on the floor. ”Oh look, guys, there’s my pets.” One of them turned to look at me a smile on his face. ” what’s the matter, Seth, scared?” The others turned to look at me with the same smile on their face. ”Let’s just say this is punishment for sneaking out last night.” One of them pushed me into the basement and locked me in, I started to scream as I was stuck in a room with those two creatures. ”LET ME OUT PLEASE, LET ME OUT!” I began to cry as I was screaming then I passed out.
As I woke up I wasn’t in the basement, I was in a room that was completely dark. Then, I heard my dad’s voice, his voice sounded like he was angry.
”O GOD, JANE!”
"Seth, call 911 now."
"Jane, stay with me."
My heart stopped when I heard what dad said, this is a memory of when mom had a heart attack and died. I started to cry, ”I…I’m sorry.” I turn around to see a figure with red eyes, I walked up to it and asked a question. ”Who are you?”
”I AM YOU.”
”I AM YOU FEARS THAT YOU HATE AND YOUR OWN DARKNESS THAT YOUR SCARED OF.”
”I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT DEEP DOWN INSIDE.”
I had a shocked face when I heard what he said, but I asked another question. ”What do I want?”
”YOU WANT TO BE FREE FROM THIS HELL.”
” I ALSO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT MOST OF ALL.”
”ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS RELEASE ME.”
He slowly raise his arm for a handshake, I could feel a liquid bubbling inside of me. ”Yes…….I release you.” I shake his hand, and he became a black liquid, all I could see was complete darkness once more.
I could feel something on my fingers, it was wet and sticky. I regain consciousness and look I turn to see something awful, the two creatures who were once a tarantula and a rat was no more. The tarantula has it’s 8 legs cut off, the rat was cut opened with blood and guts around it. I turned to look at my hands, they were covered in blood. I should be scared but I wasn’t, I started to laugh. Then I stopped to hear the bullies coming back, they were talking about how they can’t wait to turn 18. I looked to see a broken piece of glass, I grabbed it and hide. They opened the door and seen what I’ve done. ”O my god, what the hell.” One of them started to vomit, then they realized that I did this. ”Seth, where are you?” There began to look for me while they began to tease me, I try to ignore the offensive comments until one of them said something. ”Well Seth, I guess you’re really are a big pussy, no wonder your parents abandon you.” I sneaked behind them, and I stand at the back near the door, as I hold the piece of glass in my bloodstained hands.
”What did you say about my parents?”
I slowly closed the basement door with me and those fuckers inside.
After I had ended their suffering, I came out of the basement wear one of their clothes do avoid anyone noticing that I killed them, but it won’t be long before someone wondering where they are. I have to leave tonight and never come back.
In the middle of the day, I was eating lunch and acting like everything is normal. ”Hi Seth, can I talk to you.” Kyle was in front of me, I ignore his comment and continue eating my sandwich. ”Look I know you’re pissed at me, they made me, I didn’t mean to tell about you sneaking out last night.” I still ignore him as I finish my lunch. ”How about I make it up to you, I know a really cool store around here, I can take you there tonight.” ”OK.” As I replied to Kyle’s offer, He became so happy. ”Also, bring a mask, I forgot to tell you, there are some security cameras in the building.” He ran back to his friends, I went to my room, and I slept a little before tonight.
Later that night, I got ready to break into that store that Kyle told me about, I wear a gray hoodie that my dad gave me and the creepy doll mask that I got from the Halloween shop at the mall. I sneaked out of my room and sneaked out of the orphanage, I spot Kyle near the road waiting for me. Kyle wore a black sweater and a ski mask. It took us 1 hour to get to the store, it was a hardware store. ”I know Seth, it’s not that cool, but they have a lot of junk food in there.” We sneaked into the store, I told Kyle that I’m going to check out the stuff they have here. Kyle questioned my decision, but he said OK. ”Seth, meet me at the back of the room, that’s the only place where there are no cameras.” Kyle went to get that junk food he was talking about earlier, I went to the tools and got the hammer.
Kyle was waiting for me at the back of the room as he said he would. When he wasn’t looking, I hit his legs which cause him to fall to the ground. ”WHAT the FUUU!” As he was suffering in pain, I stepped in front of him. ”Seth, What the FUCK!” I stared at him for a few seconds before I spoke.
”It’s all your fault.”
”It’s your fault that mom died because you made her life miserable because of the fighting and the back talked!”
”It leads mom to have a heart attack which she died from!”
”Dad never forgave us after that, he abandon us at that fucking orphanage!”
”He thought that we cause our own mother’s death, but really it was you.”
”IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!!”
Kyle started to crying like the little bitch that he is, I looked at the hammer that I used to hit Kyle’s legs. ”Seth, what are you going to do?” I didn’t answer the crybaby’s comment but continue to look at the hammer before I spoke again.
”What I should have done a long time ago.”
I aimed the back of the hammer at Kyle’s head, he still continues to cry like a bitch, then the fucker says something. ”Please Seth, I’m scared.”
”You’re scared?”
”You don’t even know what fear is.”
I slam the hammer into the fucker’s head, the first strike cause blood but he was still alive as I could hear his shriek. I slam the hammer into his head again, this time his scream was much quiet than the last one, but that crying bitch was still alive. Then the third strike, I could hear the crack of his skull. I looked at him, and he was still moving, I continue slamming the hammer into his head over and over again. I stopped to see his head has now become mush, I could see him twitching a little before he stopped. I fall on the ground, and I started to laugh, as I was happy to end that fucker’s life. My laughter became tears of joy as I look up at spoke to her.”
”Mom, you're free now.”
To anyone who read this, I may have killed myself, or I’m still alive. It doesn’t really matter, I wrote this to tell everyone my story. Just because I’m not here doesn’t mean that not I’m watching you. I could be in your bedroom, in the darkness or standing right behind you, I am everywhere. I am the nervousness that you feel when you alone, I am the sounds that you hear when you’re sleeping, I am someone you’re scared of. You will see me someday. Someday, you will know who I am.
Someday,
You will know Fear.